New Workout Plan

Okay, so, since finding myself in a position where I have felt it necessary to make a move back to my home located in the middle of fucking no where (it looks like a set-up to something along the lines of 'Deliverance'... and I don't help that image), I have found myself in a position where I no longer have a gym at my convenience.

Now, I've never been known to be king ding-a-ling when it comes to looking huge and acting tough, rather I'm more likely falling into the category of just below average health, but of late I've tried to change that. I suppose you can say that I just want to look hotter for all the babes, and don't get me wrong, I do... but realistically I just think it might be better for me if I'm in better health physically not only as a very general thing, but also for my state of mind. Eating well and being fit helps on so many levels when it comes to your state of mind.

So what's the answer? Well, for all you no-hopers like me, let me tell you, there is none.

At least, not for the kind of workout I'd prefer to do, so I'm finding myself in a position of compromise. Having only one barbell at my disposal and only so much weights, it's kinda tough. I'm the type of guy that doesn't particularly like doin

g cardio and stuff like that, because I hate repetition. Doing the same thing for 15 minutes is horrible. And so I choose weights. I prefer to do sets of usually no more than 12 reps, and hopefully by the last set I'll struggle and won't get through it. Means I'm on a good weight range, and if I do get through it, I go up.

Well, that's sure as shit not happening with my limited amount of weights. For instance, I can't do bench press. There's just no point. I could, but it would mean extremely high reps, which would just bore the absolute shit out of me, so fuck that. So on the most part it seems I'm sticking to things more dedicated to arms and shoul

ders, with a little be for the ol' here and there.

And so for all you other go-getters out there looking for a cheap and effective way of pumping iron and looking well hot... well... I'd honestly suggest going to motleyhealth.com or something, because I sure as shit don't meet the prerequisites of at least one of those categories (the prior, right? Come on ladies, you know you want in on this shit.

So here we go... pop in Kanye West's New Workout Plan tape and go apeshit. By the way... I'm not listing my rep-range, simply because it generally changes every time for me cause I can't go up in weights. It fucking sucks. I'd suggest either 3 sets of 10 or 1 set at 12, 1 set at 10, and 1 at 8.

1. Bicep Curl

Everyone knows what a god damn bicep curl is. Do I need to explain this? Fine. Stand with your feet at shoulders length, with your grip slightly past that. Curl.

2. Chin-ups

Chin-ups are also somewhat self-explanatory... but in saying that people are morons. Choose a grip suitable for you (for me, slightly further than shoulders legnth). Pull. But don't just power through them like some kind of hero. No points for speed.

3. Overhead Press

Okay, finally something of interest. The picture kinda says it all, but get fucked. Another stupid grip (slightly past shoulder-length). In front or behind your head. Now, you start with the bar up high. Lower the bar down by your neck to the upper traps. It's best to do this with quite a bit of control, so I suggest count to four whilst lowering. Once down, hold and squeeze, and then push back up.

Note: If you do choose to do this exercise in front of your head, make sure when pushing up, you don't smash the bar into your jaw. Moron.

4: Bent Over Row

Same fucking grip. With overhand grip, keep your knees slightly bent and lean forward at the waste. Now follow with bringing the weight up to your midsection and your arms back.

If you choose to be different, and go the underhand grip... I can't help you. I know, I know... the reality of the matter is that if anyone is actually reading this blog, no one's actually going to take workout advice from me. Fuck you

I also do straight up rows, but I couldn't find an appropriate design.

5: Deadlifts

Okay... I'm going to be honest. I don't generally do deadlifts... I tend to do Clean & Press more often. In saying that, I didn't have a graphic for clean & press, they both have purposes spite their looking similar, and I'm just a lazy shit. I will start doing Deadlifts I think, but I have a feeling that it might deem itself somewhat pointless without heavy weights. Meh.

I'm not going to write how to perform this one out of laziness and my inability to understand it fully. Next.

6: Shrugs

Shoulder-width grip and shrug basically. Arms straight. Don't roll your shoulders. For mad variation skillz, trying putting the bar behind your back too. Go on. Do it.

You wouldn't do it.

7: Wrist Curls

I actually hate these kinds of work outs cause they seem so peculiar and unnatural and tedious. Still, I'm going to do it. It's good for the forearms.

Rest your arms against a bench (or table for you suckers at home), with your wrists anchored just over the edge. Don't move your arms during the work out, and relax your wrists and then curl the bellbar by bringing your hands up towards your forearms.

Go to failure. Pussy.

8. Sit-ups

Okay, I would suggest if you can do three standard sets of sit-ups, don't fuck around with higher reps. It's just to god damn painful. Not the workout... generally that easy. It's

tiresome though. Why? Cause it's fucking boring.

So chuck a weight on your chest and go nuts. If you can manage to do sit-ups on an incline, do it. I can't cause I don't have a stable place to do it. But it's far better. Feel the burn baby.

That's it. I got nothing else on me right now. Except Trap Them cancelled their show

at the Boys of Summer tour. That's kind of alright, being that I probably would've

hated all the little scene kids there... but Trap Them. :'(

That's okay. They said they'll try and come soon, so hopefully it'll be their own show.